The #1 Greatest Haircut of All Time

Laura is not a hairstylist. Keep her away from your hair.

I would like to tell you a story about how much I should not be trusted with scissors.

I have given my husband maybe half a dozen half-decent haircuts. I guess that translates to 3 fully-decent haircuts. Maybe don't ask his opinion on said haircuts, because I'm sure he would tell you all sorts of wild things.

Vincent's hair is something that I refused to touch for the first 15 months of his life, because I was terrified that I would maul it. His first haircut was this January, and I paid someone to do it (it cost me all of $3!). The next day, I decided to trim up the back because the stylist had had a difficult time with that part, as Vincent was squirming. I was pretty successful! I was all excited that I didn't have to pay to get my son's hair cut (I'm a dirty rotten cheapskate).

So a couple days ago, when I notice that Vincent's hair was getting into his eyes again, I decided to wield my amateur styling skills like the dull-edged kitchen scissors I used in this case.

Just for background knowledge purposes, this is his hair maybe a week or so ago:

Look at me, I'm super cute and stuff
Also stop judging the nasty discolored sealant on my bathtub
I CAN FEEL THE JUDGES ROLLING OFF OF YOU

In order to tame some of the wiggles he gets when I mess with his hair for too long, I put on a little YouTube video that Nate and I have recently found out is Vincent's very favorite. Apparently Vincent is a fan of Japanese pop music. I don't know how I feel about that.

Enjoy it for yourself! I really don't know what he sees in this other than sheer ODD:

Although, I do admit, it's very catchy and hard to resist dancing to.

And also impossible to get out of your head, even though I have no idea what's being said or even how to repeat it. I kind of just go PONPONWAYWAYWAYYYY and dance a little.

Anyway.

I wait until he's thoroughly entranced by the chaos that is a music video, and position my scissors so that I'd only be trimming maybe like 1/4" from his bangs. That's all I wanted to do. 

As I start to snip (I'm fairly positive that's the professional term) Vincent decides that he must dance to the music.  He does a giant bob of his head as I cut his hair. In one SNIIIP, there's a great big V in his hairline that goes up like two whole inches. 

NOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Yeah that happened. I'm pretty sure the neighbors in all directions heard me.

Vincent just looks at me like the crazy woman that I am and turns back to his jams. I try to problem solve, and as far as the rest of his head goes, I did a pretty good job. But straightening his bangs almost reduced me to tears (I place all blame on pregnancy hormones).

I shall let the picture do all the explaining for me.

Jim Carrey, as seen in Dumb and Dumber, 1994.

When he's a teenager, he's going to look back at these pictures and curse me. Or just laugh at me a lot. That's been Nate's coping mechanism so far.

Moral of the story - don't let me touch your hair, ever.